We here at A Nice Place™ are good citizens of the world. To that end we always make sure to read the BBC. Today, we found a little surprise:
Britain’s Roman Catholic Church is advising lovelorn singles to direct their February 14 requests for love to St Raphael, rather than St Valentine.
Over the years St Valentine has come incorrectly to be associated with finding love, the Church says.
He is the patron saint for those who have already found their soulmate.
St Raphael is the patron saint for happy encounters and it is to him those fearing the Valentine’s post should properly direct their prayers.
Startled by this revelation, we quickly got ahold of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and scheduled an interview with St. Valentine. Here is what was said on the record.
The Catholic Church today said that those searching for love, should not ask for your intercessions, but should ask for St. Raphael’s instead.
Listen, life here in Heaven is not like what a lot of people think. There’s not much time in eternity. My ears are ringin’ all the time because some bozo wants a girl, or some broad wants a dude. That just ain’t my job. I’m busy enough trying to deal with the epileptics, and bee keepers. In Heaven we make sure to have a very fine split between various common issues people may have, and their respective patron Saints. Theurgy is hard work, even if all we’re doing is relaying information to the big guy. Some issues are so large, we even have some Saints double dippin’. How do I know whether I should be praying for Schoolboys (my old chum St. Dominic Savio) or education in general (that dumb ox dick)? Really, I feel bad for Dominic, not many people care to talk to him. He gets lonely.
How is it decided who intercedes for whom?
That’s a good question. Short answer is, I don’t know. All I did, was get killed by Claudius. Restored some broad’s sight. Why ain’t I the patron saint of blind people? It’s a mystery to me. I suppose Raphael got that gig before me. It was very kind of him to split the love thing, but I suppose he has a strong affinity with the blind.
We thank you for your time.
Alright. God bless you, and your future endeavors. If you ever decide to keep some bees, give me a call.