Of Bands and Presidential Stands

Okay, so I’ve had a rough week, but the power of music cured me up. The point is… Bass sucks, they serve little purpose to their point, unless we are talking real bassist:

You see, for those of you not in the ‘band world’, a bassist is either someone who really wants to play bass, feels pressured to play bass, or is a guitarist from somewhere else that has been hooked up with a bass. But in the case of more… ‘virtuistic’ music, you can’t have anything but the first!

As for presidents! Now the only thing about Obama, is that he can promise changed, but have the following in mind:

A politician dies in a horrible car crash, and there is no way to turn him back. Due to the fact that honest politicians don’t exist, he goes up to Saint Peter and is told, “Okay, so you lied all your life, but you did do some good things, even though you lied and cheated, tell you what we’ll give you a chance to choose.” With that said, Mr. Politician is sent straight to hell! In hell there is a gigantic banquet, loud music, all his politician friends are there too, and they are having a nonstop party in hell, sex, drugs, food, anything and everything without limits! So after a long time at the party, Mr. Politician is told he must go up, so he goes to check out heaven. He’s there floating in a peaceful white cloud, dressed in white, doesn’t see anybody special, everything is calm, peaceful, yet as he hops from cloud to cloud, it’s boring, monotonous. So he goes back to St. Peter. St. Peter asked him, “So… which will you choose?” The politician stops and thinks and says out loud, “It was peaceful in heaven… but I had a blast in heaven, party nonstop, sex, friends… I think I pick hell instead.” St. Peter nods and opens a hole in the clouds sending him to Hell. Onc ein hell he’s dumped into a trash can, a total dump. His friends are skinny nearly starving looking for food in the trash nearly naked. He finds the Devil and asks, “Hey what happened to the big party, the lights, the drugs, the sex???!” The Devil smiled and said, “Nothing, it’s just that back then we were in a campaign, now we are back to normal!”

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6 Responses to Of Bands and Presidential Stands

  1. Billy Crystal says:

    You know…I’d be more inclined to make a rational and sensible comment if there was any hint of either of those in the article. But I’ll try anyway.

    Now, I may not be hip to the jive on what’s going on in the “band” “world” these days, but it seems to me when there are hundreds if not thousands of bands out there with a Bass player, all of which are of varying quality, though somehow manage to make the music work through some contrived, bizarre ritual where they continually play one song over and over until they’re actually good at it, that there must be something to it.

    Then, there’s this whole thing…”either someone who really wants to play bass, feels pressured to play bass, or is a guitarist from somewhere else that has been hooked up with a bass. But in the case of more… ‘virtuistic’ music, you can’t have anything but the first!”

    First off, who the hell feels pressured to play an instrument? If it actually means anything to them they can just as easily say fuck off and go play what they want to play, anyone who feels “pressured” into playing Bass isn’t a fucking musician, and neither are the ones pressuring him into playing the Bass. I can see it now: “Dude, dude, you gotta play the Bass!” “What? But why, man? I wanted to do drums.” “No man, steve’s got drums, you can have bass.” “Dude, but I only know three cords on bass, I hate bass.” “Yeah, well we don’t need that much, man! Now play!” “What if I don’t want to?” “Then we’ll kidnap your kitten and do horrible things to him until you do!”

    Well okay maybe not exactly like that, but hopefully you get my point. In the case of Virtuosic, oops, I mean “Virtuistic” music, when the meaning behind that is merely a person highly skilled in music or another artistic pursuit, only takes a great deal of skill in playing that instrument, and not necessarily any great desire to play said instrument. They could be fucking Bach on the piano and prefer to merely grope Thomas Jefferson on the Violin.

    Lastly, your attempt at “witical” political humor is a sad one. When you want to bash a candidate, a winner, a loser, you do it right. You don’t say something everyone already knows but doesn’t care about, you say something everyone already knows but does care about, because otherwise they’ve seen it all before.

    Of course campaigns are different from normal politics, that’s their version of filling out a job application, that’s when they get to spend all the money they’ve been accruing over the years in the fleeting attempt to get their foot in the door.

    I mean for god’s sakes you don’t even say anything about it, you just say Oh ho, Oh ha, have a quote! If you contributed more of your own opinion to the matter at hand maybe then we’d have something intelligent to comment on rather than dealing with this cavalcade of deplorability.

  2. Dragonmati says:

    Actually Billy Crystal, that’s exactly what some friends go through 😛

  3. TEvil says:

    I agree with you totally. I played bass for years and let me tell you no matter how good you get and how much love you give it, you get shit in return.

    you NEVER get as much credit as the rest of the group and your the last to be given a rat shit about by the audience.

    for all those bassists that CLAIM they are so important and “GOD FOR BID i mess up during a show the whole audience will hear it”; NOT THEY WONT!!!!! they are not even listening to you. i actually played so drunk one night that i could not remember how to play “Rebel YELL” by billy idol. i mashed that song up so bad i am surprised billy idol himself didnt bash into the bar and rape the hell out of me. but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no one even noticed. not the audience, not the bar workers, and not even my band (well they noticed a little bit).

    the fact is you are right in that about 90% of bass player are either people too retarded, stupid or lazy to learn guitar or just a guitarist filling in for a friends band while they find that kid who is too lazy to learn guitar.

    i have since dropped bass (after wasting 15 years) and started to focus fully on guitar.

    here is a story. there was this chick who worked at a coffee house. she was cute…. not gorgeous but cute and a little chunky; but i would stick her. now i am a well fit (i work out 4 days a week and diet regularly) guy who is good looking. she was all over me one day; and again i would have stuck her well. i then made a joke towards her and she said to me and my band mates….

    “oh whatever singer dude”
    my drummer so graciously replied “hes not a singer he is our bass player”

    the girl then snarled her lip at me, got up and walked away….. yes being a bass player rules….. its for fags who are too scared of the spotlight!

  4. TEvil hater and u all! says:

    TEvil and all of u

    you all really suck and omfg, get a life!!!!!! i think u all got no job and live in a house with your mommy, and that u are fat;)
    bass is so fuckin important you are stupid, i think your band sucks.

    without bass there is no feeling and no emotion in the song
    there are very much songs with bass that are great and without bass they suck!(like u all do)

    U all suck, bass is very important.
    without the bass the song sucks and it is very boring.
    people who think they are important because they drum or play guitar are fags and are people that think they are good like u all, bass is more important and u do need a bass in your band, otherwise your band realllyyyy suckkk!!
    bass is hard to learn and guitar sucks, its for fags and dickheads and losers and retarded people and who think they are “cool” but they are stupid and want to be cool but they really suck.
    bass are nice and cool people and know what music is and guitar players are retarded and are people that even can push on the strings of a bass, they cannot not even play thats why they choose a guitar
    and that cheap girl in the coffee house really suck, i play bass and all the girls like me;)
    why bass players should be too scared for spotlight,
    bass sounds great and is perfect for jazz and blues
    and also for all of the songs, the bass is made for spotlight but u all suck and dont know what music is and even what i tell but u all got no life thats why, loserssss!!!!!!!!!

    u suck, plz get a life and learn what music is.


    Greeetzzz ikkke dikke kut mongolen die jullie zijn hooop dat jullie dik gezwel in jullie hoofd krijgen and leren wat muziek is ik speel bas en ik ben goed en jullie zijn arme mensen die geen bas kunnen betalen, bass rules and guitar suck, like people who play it
    ( but they got no life!!xD )
    like u all do;) and your mommy’s are fat and got a dickhead

  5. Billy Crystal says:

    Woah, who let the bass-playing cognitively disabled 4th grader in?

  6. ChocoMooseMan says:

    ….sure is /b/ in here today…

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